Archive for March, 2011

Who’s faith is it, anyway?


I am very thankful.

I came to Christ at a young age (8) and, while I’ve certainly had my issues over the years, I have never had struggles with drugs, alcohol, porn, or many of the things that kids get hooked on. Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t have a problem drinking because I HAVE tried several kinds of alcohol and can’t stand the stuff. I don’t have a problem with porn because, as a young teenager I looked at some stuff that ‘all my friends’ were looking at and it for whatever reason didn’t have a pull on my mind.

I’ve also never had a real ‘faith crisis’ like so many other people I grew up with or know about. I’ve had moments when I wondered if I had done something to cause God to withdraw His power or blessing…I’ve had moments when I’ve questioned if He was actually paying attention to all the details. But I’ve never had a single moment when I have doubted that He is real, He is God, He is there, or even that He is in control. At a very young age I just got it, that this world is fallen and it’s our fault, not His. Therefore, bad stuff happens and life isn’t fair…but in the end His Mercy and Justice win out over the things of this world.

However, many people don’t have that sense of perspective. And I don’t think less of them for it at all. Life is hard, and some stuff happens that we just know is wrong. Like when a single mom who works three jobs isn’t even there to say goodbye as her child dies of leukemia, because she has to work to pay the hospital bill. That isn’t fair, it isn’t right, but it does happen. And given a situation like that I can see how someone can question God’s existence, or at least His goodness.

That isn’t the real issue for me though.

The issue in these situations, as it is when a 18 year old graduates high school, goes off to college, and abandons faith and in so many other scenarios, is who’s faith is it that person is relying on? All too often the church and the family do a dis-service to our kids and teens by allowing them to coat-tail on mom and dads faith while we entertain and tell them stories. But they don’t experience the relational side of Christianity with our God for themselves. God is a concept and the Bible is a story book for them…He isn’t their personal God and the Bible isn’t His personal letter to them.

So, since it’s mom and dads faith and mom and dads religion, when things get tough and life doesn’t make sense they come to the ‘logical’ conclusion that A) God has failed them or their friends or B) God must not exist.

Going to church, singing songs, even having devotions isn’t what it’s all about. Setting an example by having a relationship that is real, and that your kids can see and be a part of…that’s what matters. That’s how they know there is some substance to this Christian ‘thing’.

So, ask yourself the hard question:

DO YOUR KIDS BELIEVE?
not…
do they like church, know a Bible verse, have mom & dad’s faith
but…
DO YOUR KIDS BELIEVE?

And then, start building your relationship…and setting the foundation for theirs…based on the answer. It will make all the difference.

I am very thankful. Thankful that, despite what I sometimes see around me, I know beyond any doubt that I have a God who is alive and well, in control, and who ultimately has the victory. That isn’t based on how I feel or what might happen. It’s based on the relationship I have with Him.

DK

2011
03/23
CATEGORY
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Bully-Proofing Our Kids


I read the following article myself today, then talked to the Dr. who wrote it. She has a lot of great insights. I asked her if I could share this information. I believe it is so important that I am not only sharing it here, I am going to include it in my monthly ministry newsletter.
Read, enjoy, and apply!
DK

by Michele Borba, Ed.D.

Author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing
MORAL IQ TIP: To teach kids self-control, you must show kids self-control, so be a living example of self-control.
Dear Dr. Borba,
My son’s only seven, but he’s been coming home upset every day. He says a boy named Mark keeps teasing him. Now the rest of the kids won’t play with him because they are afraid Mark will start picking on them, too. He’s miserable and doesn’t want to go to school. What can I do to help him?

Some of the toughest problems parents must deal with happen right on the school playground where teasing, bullying and mean-spirited kids abound. There seems to be an epidemic of mean-acting kids these days. In fact, the National Education Association estimates that 160,000 children skip school every day because they fear being attacked or intimidated by other students. While we can’t prevent the pain insults can cause, we can lessen our kids’ chances of becoming victims. In my new book, Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing, I tell parents the best thing to do is teach our kids how to deal with their tormentors. Doing so will show them there are ways to resolve conflicts without losing face or resorting to violence and will boost their confidence. So the next time your child is upset from teasing, here are a few ideas I suggest you do:

1. Listen and gather facts.The first step is often the hardest for parents: listen to your child’s whole story without interrupting. Your goal is to try to figure out what happened, who was involved, where and when the teasing took place, and why your child was teased. Unfortunately, teasing is a part of growing up, but some kids seem to get more than their fair share of insults. If your child appears to be in no immediate danger, keep listening to find out how she reacts to the bullying. By knowing what reaction didn’t stop the bully, you can offer your child a more effective option.

2. Teach a bully-proofing strategy.What may work with one child may not with another, so it’s best to discuss a range of options and then choose the one or two your child feels most comfortable with. Here are six of the most successful strategies to help kids defend themselves:

  • Assert yourself. Teach your child to face the bully by standing tall and using a strong voice. Your child should name the bullying behavior and tell the aggressor to stop: ?That’s teasing. Stop it.? or ?Stop making fun of me. It’s mean.?
  • Question the response. Ann Bishop, who teaches violence prevention curriculums, tells her students to respond to an insult with a nondefensive question: “Why would you say that?” or “Why would you want to tell me I am dumb (or fat) and hurt my feelings?”
  • Use “I want.” Communication experts suggest teaching your child to address the bully beginning with “I want” and say firmly what he wants changed: “I want you to leave me along.” or “I want you to stop teasing me.”
  • Agree with the teaser. Consider helping your child create a statement agreeing with her teaser. Teaser: “You’re dumb.” Child: “Yeah, but I’m good at it.” or Teaser: “Hey, four eyes.” Child: “You’re right, my eyesight is poor.”
  • Ignore it. Bullies love it when their teasing upsets their victims, so help your child find a way to not let his tormentor get to him. A group of fifth graders told me ways they ignore their teasers: ?Pretend they’re invisible,? ?Walk away without looking at them,? ?Quickly look at something else and laugh,? and ?Look completely uninterested.?
  • Make Fun of the Teasing. Fred Frankel, author of Good Friends Are Hard to Find suggests victims answer every tease with a reply, but not tease back. The teasing often stops, Frankel says, because the child lets the tormentor know he’s not going to let the teasing get to him (even if it does). Suppose the teaser says, “You’re stupid.” The child says a rehearsed comeback such as: “Really?” Other comebacks could be: “So?,” “You don’t say,” “And your point is?,” or “Thanks for telling me.”

3. Rehearse the strategy with your child.Once you choose a technique, rehearse it together so your child is comfortable trying it. The trick is for your child to deliver it assuredly to the bully–and that takes practice. Explain that though he has the right to feel angry, it’s not okay to let it get out of control. Besides, anger just fuels the bully. Try teaching your child the CALM approach to defueling the tormentor.

  • C – Cool down. When you confront the bully, stay calm and always in control. Don’t let him think he’s getting to you. If you need to calm down, count to twenty slowly inside your head or say to yourself, “Chill out!” And most importantly: tell your child to always get help whenever there is a chance she might be injured.
  • A – Assert yourself. Try the strategy with the bully just like you practiced.
  • L – Look at the teaser straight in the eye. Appear confident, hold your head high and stand tall.
  • M – Mean it! Use a firm, strong voice. Say what you feel, but don’t be insulting, threaten or tease back.
Final ThoughtsLike it or not, most kids are bound to encounter children who are deliberately mean. By teaching kids effective ways to respond to verbal abuse, we can reduce their chances of being victims as well as helping them learn how to cope more successfully with future adversities. Of course, no child should ever have to deal with ongoing teasing, meanness and harassment. It’s up to adults and kids alike to take an active stand against bullying and stress that cruelty is always unacceptable.


Dr. Michele Borba is an educational consultant and author who has conducted parent and teacher seminars to over half a million participants. Her latest book is Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing (Jossey Bass Publishers). Information on her publications and seminars can be accessed through her Web site, http://www.moralintelligence.com.

© 2001 by Michele Borba

2011
03/18
CATEGORY
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Teachable Moments


I love simple things you can do with or use with kids to convey spiritual truth. Here are 3 simple ‘teachable moments’ you can use with your kids.

DK

1. Faith in Motion—While telling children about the first Easter, stand up and act out what’s happening. For example, run in place, peer into a tomb, act surprised or scared, jump for joy, and gently shake a partner’s shoulder to share the good news.
 2. Easter Party—Throw a party to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection from the dead—and to remind children that Easter morning is about more than baskets of candy. Play praise music while you enjoy a special breakfast. Then wave streamers, make confetti, and play homemade musical instruments.
3. Special Message—Hide hollow chocolate eggs, rather than plastic or real eggs. Tell children to hunt for the eggs, which contain a special message. As kids discover their eggs are hollow, talk about Jesus’ empty tomb on Easter morning. Then have them share what the resurrection means to them.
2011
03/17
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Help Children’s Faith Grow


This is the ‘cover story’ of our April Children’s Ministry newsletter. I was struck by the stats listed at the bottom.
DK
On Easter, we remember the pinnacle of our Christian faith: Jesus’ resurrection from the dead. His victory assures us of forgiveness and eternal life—two things worth celebrating! You can use the Easter message as a springboard to share God’s good news with your kids all year long. Let kids know that Jesus is their friend and lets them live forever in heaven with him. Follow these tips:
• Realize that kids understand God—and Easter—in vivid, literal images. Don’t dismiss tough questions. Instead, read the Bible together.
• Tweak your traditions. Turn your usual Easter celebrations into opportunities to learn more about God and his Word. For your egg hunt, for example, fill plastic eggs with Scripture verses as well as candy.
• Know that it’s never too early to share the good news. Don’t wait until your kids can communicate to tell them about Jesus. Remember that children can discover God from infancy (see 2 Timothy 3:14-15).
FAITH InSIGHTS
• In a 2010 survey, two-thirds of Americans said they knew that Easter is a religious holiday. But only 42% connected its meaning to Jesus’ resurrection. And only 2% said they’d describe Easter as the most important holiday of their faith (Barna Group)
• Another Barna Group study found that children are most likely to become Christians for a lifetime from ages 5 to 13. In addition, children’s moral development is largely complete by age 9. 
Begin a conversation with your children about Easter, using these discussion questions as a launching point:
1. Why do we have such big celebrations at Easter? How can we celebrate Easter’s good news every day?
2. What gifts did Jesus give us on the first Easter? How can we share those gifts with other people?
3. How are you “growing up” in God and his Word? What has changed about your faith since you were younger?
How can you keep growing closer to God, day by day and year by year?
2011
03/17
CATEGORY
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