Archive for September, 2011

Spiritual Leadership Lacking


This is another great post from the Epic Parent Blog (www.epicparent.tv) that I just had to share with you. I hope it causes you to think about the importance of your role as a parent, especially you fathers!

DK

  1. On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.
  2. Over 70 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it during their teens and twenties. Many of these boys will never return.
  3. More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only one out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.
  4. Fewer than 10% of U.S. churches are able to establish or maintain a vibrant men’s ministry.

**Many of these statistics came from George Barna at Barna.org
As you can tell, one of the growing epidemics in the world we live in is that men are rapidly falling off the spiritual leader band wagon.  I have many friends that are struggling with husbands that are absent, spiritually bored, and don’t take an active role in leading their families toward Christ.
Many ladies and moms in this situation find themselves angry, resentful, resigned, and confused about what to do.
Ladies, here are a few things you might consider…

  1. GUARD AGAINST RESENTMENT: Resentment will take you out of the game.  While I am not in your situation I do know that one of the only weapons against resentment is gratitude.  I encourage all ladies to keep a gratitude journal.  This is a place where you list your blessings and the gifts God has given you.
  2. NON TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS: The last thing that any mom/wife needs is a toxic place to vent your frustrations.  You need a friend that will encourage you, speak life, and pray for you as you walk this journey.  A toxic friend will applaud your frustrations and anger.
  3. LEAD YOUR SPOUSE: Instead of sitting around and waiting for your spouse to lead, I encourage all ladies to invite their husbands to lead in a non threatening way.  For example, you can let your spouse know that you would like to have family devotions on “Tuesday” and ask him if he would mind helping you.
  4. INVITE HIM TO PLAY A SMALL ROLE: Again, you can let him know that you would like to have a family devotion but ask him to simply read the passage to the kids.  This will bring him into the leadership role without asking him to lead the family time together.
  5. ASK YOURSELF THE HARD QUESTION: Many men are reluctant to step up and lead because his spouse is controlling and steals the show.  Ladies, this is a question you must answer.
  6. REACT DON’T RESPOND: I have a friend that use to “react” to her husbands’ struggle with spiritual leadership.  She would get angry, pout, and slyly drop condescending comments.  This will drive your husband away.  If this is you, start to pray and ask that God would give you the strength to “respond”.
  7. PRAY: I know this sounds like a cliche’ answer, but the last time I read God’s Word it sort of mentioned the power of prayer.  We have to pray with faith, belief, specific prayers, consistency, and power.  Have you quit praying for your husband?
  8. EXPRESS PRAISE & APPRECIATION: Men respond positively to praise. Look for something he is doing right and express appreciation. Telling him about his failures does not motivate him to change.
  9. STOP PLAYING GOD: It’s God’s job to work in your husbands life, not yours.  Maybe it is time for you to pray, trust, walk in silence, and let God do his work.
  10. TAKE OFF YOUR BLINDERS: Maybe your husband is not delivering three point sermons every night, but he faithfully provides, serves, helps, and loves.  Have you grown blind to his benevolent heart?

Sacrificial Love


Here is a very simple thought that we can each apply in our lives today. Maybe its not this big, but it can still be this impacting.

By Rick Boxx
September 26, 2011

An employee at DollyWood, according to co-owner Peter Herschend, was driving through the parking lot after closing time when he spied a car all alone. The hood was up and a family was examining the engine.

This employee discovered that their starter was bad. Moments later he returned with his similar car. He crawled under his car, took off his starter, then slid under their car and replaced their bad starter with his good one. This stunned family was back on the road again.

In Mark 12:31 Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” Love is a verb.

Somewhere there’s a family that may not remember the rides they rode at DollyWood, but I bet they remember the sacrificial love of a stranger.

Let us go, and do likewise!

The Best Spending Decision We Ever Made (Guest post)


This is a guest post from a weekly financial column I get. I know many people who are in bondage to debt and much of it has to do with the mentality. My wife and I are currently in the process of eliminating debt from school loans and credit cards that we both had when we got married. Its not always easy, and we do allow some room for the special stuff, but the feeling as we pay something off is so wonderful! And more than that, the ability to give and invest more into the lives of others and into the Kingdom is worth the small sacrifices we make. So, enjoy!
DK
 
Matthew Pryor
 
It was 2003. I had a job doing development work for a non-profit, and my wife was in charge of an operations department of a trust-company. In an effort to focus on debt-reduction, we had lived in an apartment since getting married. But our son was getting older, the apartment seemed to be getting smaller, and we were getting anxious to become first-time home owners. And since we had made significant progress on our debts, we felt we were ready.

While my job didn’t pay a ton, it could help us afford the essentials. My wife made decent wages, and we had good insurance through her job. So between the two of us, we were doing all right. Our apartment was in a good school district, so we wanted to stay in the area. We both had been in apartments since around 1993, so having our own space and a yard were important to us (and the thought of a garage was sheer bliss). Other than that, there were many questions still to answer.

Should we get brick or vinyl? Ranch or 2-story? Quantity of space or quality? These, among other factors, are always a consideration. But there was a bigger factor at play here: cost. And this is where home buyers can get in trouble, buying too much house.

You see, at the time, lenders were asking, “How much house can you afford?” with the implication being, however much you can afford is what you should buy. And that becomes the dominant factor in the buyer’s mind, “How much can we afford?” This was and still is the WRONG question to ask.

I’m not sure why this mindset doesn’t permeate most all of our other spending decisions. I mean I’m glad it doesn’t, but why not? When you’re at a restaurant, do you order based on what you can afford or on what meets your goals of taste, appetite, value, smell, nutrition, and so on? You don’t likely open a menu and say, “Because I can afford the lobster, that’s what I’m getting. Yes, I’m allergic and I’m gonna swell up like a tick. And no, I don’t like eating giant, wet bugs that reek of salt and death. But I can afford it so by golly, I’m getting it.” While cost may somewhat dictate which restaurant you visit, my point is that it’s not your primary basis for what you order… or at least it shouldn’t be. You should base it on your goals.
So when it came to our first house purchase, we asked not what could we afford, but what could we spend and still be in line with accomplishing our goals. What were our goals?

  • Eliminate remaining debt.
  • Continue to increase our giving each year.
  • Send our son to a Christian school.
  • Allow my wife to stay at home if she desired.
  • Getting a house big enough to allow for more children but not so big so as to be too much to manage.

So we turned down bigger and nicer houses in bigger and nicer neighborhoods. Instead, we found a great little house in a great little neighborhood that allowed us to work toward our stated goals. We bought a house that we could afford on just my income because that was the single biggest factor in allowing us to work towards ALL of our stated goals.

And why was that the best spending decision we’ve ever made? Because literally two hours before the closing on our house, I lost my job. Two hours and totally out of the blue! Just like that, our income was cut by about 40%. And it would stay that way for the next nine months, until I came back to work for Sound Mind Investing in 2004. But we would be okay on just my wife’s salary because we bought the right amount of house.

Why else was it good that we bought what we did? Because it allowed Kim to become a full-time stay at home mom in the summer of 2006.

Why else was it good? Because we were able to get Jordan into the school we wanted.
Why else was it good? Because we eliminated all of our debt (minus the house itself) while in that home.
Why else? Because we were able to keep increasing our giving.

Notice a pattern? We were able to accomplish our goals because we spent money with our goals in mind. We didn’t let the ability to spend dictate our decision (this kind of access to credit is a temptation that so many fall into when it comes to credit cards. If it’s a temptation to you, ask for a lower credit limit or switch to a debit card).

So where does that leave us now? Well, for one, that first house became our first rental house. Being a landlord was something I had always wanted to try. If we had bought a bigger house, it would have been much harder to rent it. This was the perfect first house for us and the perfect first rental for us.
What else? We’re due for our 4th child this week. Kim has been at home five years now and there’s no place I’d rather her be.

And finally, most importantly, we’re able to feel the Father’s pleasure by giving freely and with great joy to causes that are on our hearts.

So when it comes to spending, spend with goals in mind. Practice the #1 way to save money on nearly every purchase and focus on what you can control by not letting the availability of money be the driving principle for your spending decisions. Don’t order the lobster just because you can!
What about you? What is the best spending decision you ever made?

Published since 1990, Sound Mind Investing is America’s best-selling financial newsletter written from a biblical perspective. Visit the Sound Mind Investing website .

Twenty Rules for Marriage and Life


After returning from a nice vacation, I found in my office mailbox an invitation to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of a precious family in our church. As I looked at the invite and included pictures, and tried to think about what 50 years of life…or marriage…would be like, I noticed the insert they had included with their request.

It was a short list titled “Twenty Rules for Marriage and Life”. As I read it, I thought that I’d seen it before, but also realized the value of imparted wisdom from those with so much more experience than I. So, I would like to share with you this wonderful list!

DK

1) Smile when picking up the phone…the caller will hear it in your voice.

2) Believe in love at first sight

3) Don’t judge people by their relatives

4) Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

5) talk slowly, think quickly

6) Never laugh at anyones dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.

7)When you say ‘I’m sorry’, look the person in the eye.

8) Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

9) When you say ‘I love you,’ mean it.

10) Marry a man/woman you love to talk to.

11) Be engaged at least 6 months before you get married.

12) Love deeply and passionately, its the only way to live life completely.

13) Give your spouse more than they expect from you, and do it cheerfully.

14) Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

15) In disagreements, fight fairly.

16) When you realize you’ve make a mistake, take immediate action to correct it.

17) When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

18) Take time to show love to your spouse…and others.

19) Spend time alone with your spouse to rekindle your love.

20) Remember the three “r’s”: Respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility for all your actions.

Words to live by!

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